WTF!
.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
The chances of anything coming from Mars are million to one but still they come...
Before anyone gets the wrong idea, this post is about poop.
If you don't want to read about poop, move along.
So you remember how in some versions of the War of the Worlds we are told that the aliens sort of 'planted' their people harvesting machines in advance and later returned to activate them and, well harvest people etc etc oh the horror?
Anyway! That is what it is like for dog owners when we get a sudden thaw!
The poop just rises out of the earth in such vast quantities that you start to wonder if it's been multiplying under there.
There is panic in the streets, there is screaming, stampeding, not everyone will make it out alive!
The poop is coming.
Maybe next I'll write a post about War of the Worlds.
.
If you don't want to read about poop, move along.
So you remember how in some versions of the War of the Worlds we are told that the aliens sort of 'planted' their people harvesting machines in advance and later returned to activate them and, well harvest people etc etc oh the horror?
Anyway! That is what it is like for dog owners when we get a sudden thaw!
The poop just rises out of the earth in such vast quantities that you start to wonder if it's been multiplying under there.
There is panic in the streets, there is screaming, stampeding, not everyone will make it out alive!
The poop is coming.
Maybe next I'll write a post about War of the Worlds.
.
Monday, January 10, 2011
My name is Monika and I CAN dust without a Swifer
Wtf Swifers?
So, hello, I'm Monika, and guess what? I am perfectly capable of dusting without the aid of a swifer!
Amazing isn't it?
Well it must be, because apparently no one else is!
And before all my more matured readers start shaking their heads and talking about the youth of today not knowing anything about anything, let me tell you that this phrase "I can't dust without my swifer" did not come from a person younger than fifty.
This isn't generational ineptitude (I love that word) it is just general ineptitude (ineptitude!). Somehow some of our species allowed the swifer comercials to suggest to them that no one has ever really dusted before because it was impossible without the swifer.
So, I'm going to share a secret to those of you who are swifer dependent and may have lost their swifer. USE A RAG! (and don't complain to me about it, I don't care if you lost your swifer.)
Thank you for your time.
.
So, hello, I'm Monika, and guess what? I am perfectly capable of dusting without the aid of a swifer!
Amazing isn't it?
Well it must be, because apparently no one else is!
And before all my more matured readers start shaking their heads and talking about the youth of today not knowing anything about anything, let me tell you that this phrase "I can't dust without my swifer" did not come from a person younger than fifty.
This isn't generational ineptitude (I love that word) it is just general ineptitude (ineptitude!). Somehow some of our species allowed the swifer comercials to suggest to them that no one has ever really dusted before because it was impossible without the swifer.
So, I'm going to share a secret to those of you who are swifer dependent and may have lost their swifer. USE A RAG! (and don't complain to me about it, I don't care if you lost your swifer.)
Thank you for your time.
.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy new DAY
Ever since I got over the entire "yeah! I get to stay up late and watch movies that are too old for me to really be entertained by!" phase of my life I started to really dislike 'new years'. Not that I would object to going to a party or something (though this year I did turn down an invitation) and now that I am old enough to understand the movies my brothers and dad watch that's pretty ok with me too (except midnight is WAY too late for my new found morning job schedule).
My problem with the new year isn't the parties, or the gatherings, or the movies, or even people staying up until midnight (though, as an adult, I get to do that whenever I damn well please so there nyah)
My problem is statements like the following, and these are quotes:
"Hope Year of the Rabbit is better for everyone. "
Ok, so I guess it starts out innocently enough, a hope that every consecutive year is better than the last to put us in a never ending climb towards infinite happiness the advance of which is divided neatly into convenient twelve month segments.
But then it starts to get kind of aggressive to the previous year.
"I really really really wish 2011 is better than fucking 2010. No more volcanic eruptions or ash and all that BS"
Pardon the foul language! But like I said, these are quotes. This person's biggest problem with 2010 was apparently the fact that a volcano erupted in Iceland last spring. Now I am not denying that it was a significant event, or that it caused a lot of people a lot of trouble and grief.
The ash canceled a bunch of flights and as I understand it ruined some sporting events and rock concerts for some people who had tickets, but it was determined that there would be little impact on climate and long term health.
353 people died in eruptions in Indonesia between September and December due to volcanic eruptions. They died. They didn't just miss their flight.
Ok, Monika, you've made you own argument turn against you. People died in 2010! Yes, people died in 2010. There was an earthquake in Haiti and in Chile, and in Indonesia and China too, ships sank, planes crashed, people got cancer, bombs exploded, there were car accidents, suicides, murders, and forbid, people got old. They will be missed horribly by their friends and families and everyone who lost a loved one this past year has my sincerest condolence. Entire nations are in mourning and crisis, this is true. But does that mean that 2010 was the worst year on record for it? For anything?
Things like this, every year, not just this year, these sentiments really bother me:
"What a crappy year. So glad its almost over..."
"Finally a new year to get my life back on track."
"I can't wait for this year of shit to be over. Nothing is stopping next year from being just as shitty, but I'll give it a chance."
The year of shit.
This past year the Burj Kahlifa officially opened, and stands at 828 m as the tallest structure ever built by mankind, a solar powered plane completed a 24 hour flight, and a new non-carbon based life form was discovered in California.
Vancouver hosted the 2010 Winter Olympics and an African nation hosted the FIFA World Cup for the first time.
The neanderthal genome was sequenced to the point that speculations of interbreeding between our species (and thus a possible explanation for why we continued and they did not) become real possibilities, and a functioning synthetic genome was successfully created.
33 miners in Chile survived a record 69 days 700m under ground and were successfully rescued by international efforts. People watched all over the world.
Humans have occupied space for a consecutive 3641 days, a new record for the international space station.
A year of shit indeed. And I've only just grazed the surface, pulling selections that speak to me directly.
I am all for people wishing each other a happy a prosperous new year, what bothers me is the tendency to discuss the past twelve months in an entirely negative light in order to do so. If, twenty years from now, the only things you remember about 2010 was that you ripped your good pants, that you missed a flight in April, that you lost a loved one, or put a dent in your car... well, I feel sorry for you. Because that probably means all you remember about every year is the worst of the worst, and looking back on your life it must not seem like a very happy one.
So, for those of you who wish to divide your life in to twelve month segments, proceed in to your new year with fond memories of the past one not aggression towards it, and a conscious knowledge that the future is nothing but potential, and the past is simply how you choose to remember it.
I, for one, am going to do what I have been doing for years, excuse me, days, thousands of days, I will not focus on a new year (which is sort of like putting all your eggs in one basket don't you think?) and I certainly will not focus on a previous year as a whole, but I will look forward to and back on the achievements of each and every day. I'd much rather have the occasional 'bad day' than to ruin an entire year for myself every Dec 31st.
We get more days in our lives than years.
Happy new day, everyday.
My problem with the new year isn't the parties, or the gatherings, or the movies, or even people staying up until midnight (though, as an adult, I get to do that whenever I damn well please so there nyah)
My problem is statements like the following, and these are quotes:
"Hope Year of the Rabbit is better for everyone. "
Ok, so I guess it starts out innocently enough, a hope that every consecutive year is better than the last to put us in a never ending climb towards infinite happiness the advance of which is divided neatly into convenient twelve month segments.
But then it starts to get kind of aggressive to the previous year.
"I really really really wish 2011 is better than fucking 2010. No more volcanic eruptions or ash and all that BS"
Pardon the foul language! But like I said, these are quotes. This person's biggest problem with 2010 was apparently the fact that a volcano erupted in Iceland last spring. Now I am not denying that it was a significant event, or that it caused a lot of people a lot of trouble and grief.
The ash canceled a bunch of flights and as I understand it ruined some sporting events and rock concerts for some people who had tickets, but it was determined that there would be little impact on climate and long term health.
353 people died in eruptions in Indonesia between September and December due to volcanic eruptions. They died. They didn't just miss their flight.
Ok, Monika, you've made you own argument turn against you. People died in 2010! Yes, people died in 2010. There was an earthquake in Haiti and in Chile, and in Indonesia and China too, ships sank, planes crashed, people got cancer, bombs exploded, there were car accidents, suicides, murders, and forbid, people got old. They will be missed horribly by their friends and families and everyone who lost a loved one this past year has my sincerest condolence. Entire nations are in mourning and crisis, this is true. But does that mean that 2010 was the worst year on record for it? For anything?
Things like this, every year, not just this year, these sentiments really bother me:
"What a crappy year. So glad its almost over..."
"Finally a new year to get my life back on track."
"I can't wait for this year of shit to be over. Nothing is stopping next year from being just as shitty, but I'll give it a chance."
The year of shit.
This past year the Burj Kahlifa officially opened, and stands at 828 m as the tallest structure ever built by mankind, a solar powered plane completed a 24 hour flight, and a new non-carbon based life form was discovered in California.
Vancouver hosted the 2010 Winter Olympics and an African nation hosted the FIFA World Cup for the first time.
The neanderthal genome was sequenced to the point that speculations of interbreeding between our species (and thus a possible explanation for why we continued and they did not) become real possibilities, and a functioning synthetic genome was successfully created.
33 miners in Chile survived a record 69 days 700m under ground and were successfully rescued by international efforts. People watched all over the world.
Humans have occupied space for a consecutive 3641 days, a new record for the international space station.
A year of shit indeed. And I've only just grazed the surface, pulling selections that speak to me directly.
I am all for people wishing each other a happy a prosperous new year, what bothers me is the tendency to discuss the past twelve months in an entirely negative light in order to do so. If, twenty years from now, the only things you remember about 2010 was that you ripped your good pants, that you missed a flight in April, that you lost a loved one, or put a dent in your car... well, I feel sorry for you. Because that probably means all you remember about every year is the worst of the worst, and looking back on your life it must not seem like a very happy one.
So, for those of you who wish to divide your life in to twelve month segments, proceed in to your new year with fond memories of the past one not aggression towards it, and a conscious knowledge that the future is nothing but potential, and the past is simply how you choose to remember it.
I, for one, am going to do what I have been doing for years, excuse me, days, thousands of days, I will not focus on a new year (which is sort of like putting all your eggs in one basket don't you think?) and I certainly will not focus on a previous year as a whole, but I will look forward to and back on the achievements of each and every day. I'd much rather have the occasional 'bad day' than to ruin an entire year for myself every Dec 31st.
We get more days in our lives than years.
Happy new day, everyday.
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